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Sunday, July 30, 2006
i'm going crazy.
guys.. i've just returned from a backpacking trip in europe. you know the most uncanny thing? i ran into ju at the LONDON HEATHROW airport. our return flights were scheduled to leave at about the same time.
last night i was sitting down and writing reflections about the past month and about going off to school and everything. if you guys didn't know, i'm going to the uni of york in the UK to study lit. while i was writing and thinking about everything i got kind of choked up. [i know this sounds preeeeetty cheesy and hoodwinked, but really, it's true.]
i've really missed you guys. i remember thinking to myself three years ago that we'd still be joined at the hip, going out for late night suppers/movies etc together no matter where we went. and it's sad to think back on that and realise that this is the only communication we've had in a long, long time. i realised that no matter where you go and what friends you make, that none of them can quite match up to what we had that once upon a time. perhaps because we were going through our adolescence. perhaps it's because every friendship and companionship that i've acquired since then seems to be rooted in some sort of similarity of circumstance, i.e: choir, classmates, art etc. unlike us, who were always so bloody different in ideals, personality, goals and interests.
perhaps it was that complete polarities of character that prompted such a friendship that somehow just gets sweeter and sweeter in memory. because when your friendships are built out of similarity of circumstances, such as, for example, art friends, once they move on, and their interest in art wanes, you realise that essentially you don't know them at all. they change, and you have nothing else in common that you see can sustain a relationship. whereas for us, i keep having this naive hope that someday we'll meet and no matter how all of us have changed, [because undeniably and irrevocably, we have], we'd still be.. us. because we weren't bound together by some commonality of purpose or circumstance, but because... we cared for each other. we supported each other even though we didn't approve of what the other was doing, we were there for each other when we faced stupid boy troubles that now upon recollection seem trivial, we tried to understand each other even though we were heading in completely different directions and.. we loved each other. and that was special.
meeting ju for me was one of the most livening memories of my trip in europe. why? because i've missed her. like crazy. and seeing her dredged up all these buried emotions that make me think and rethink and REthink my life. how much i've been missing.
it's my fault, i know. i should have insisted we go out more often. visited each other more often. remembered each other's birthdays and organised parties. each time i think back i just think of more we could have possibly done. and now i'm just maudlin because.. what if it's too late? what if we never get it back?
i just wanted to say this because i, well, i'm going. and it might be an eternity before i see you guys again. and i just want to let you guys know that.. i love you guys. more than any other friends i've known since then and any other friends i've known before. all my closest friends in choir or at church.. all know this. that my best friends will always be the three who i've given a big part of my heart to in secondary school. judith yee, natasha hong and lim si hui.
so here's to being brutally honest, and here's to us.
iloveus //
jo
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